Happy New Year…

As this New Year dawns before us, I don’t believe that any of us escape the traps of looking back. I know I did. I have a plethora of great memories. Some sad, some amazing. Some of my deepest fantasies came to life, and some of my deepest fears did too.

It’s a time to look forward, and trust that the past is gone and the only thing we can do is look to the future and every day as a blessing and surprise. Each minute of our lives is new and different and then it becomes our past. Life is an experience. Each moment is new and exciting because we don’t know what the next minute will hold.

My outlook on life has changed considerably in the past year, and I go into 2012 with the hope to look at each moment as a child might, with wonder and amazement, with love and happiness because of the beauty and love around me.

I hope this for all of you. I hope that you can think of what you want positive in your life and make it a tangible thing you can hold onto in your memory and that each minute you do all this with love and trust in yourself and that the universe knows what you want and works to give it to you.

Thoughts really do become things!

My wish is for you all to have peace, love, trust and happiness.

Happy 2012!!! Make it the best year yet!

Hugs,

Ann

Only A Memory

It’s Only A Memory

 

I feel your arms wrapped around me tight

It’s only a memory

I feel your lips softly brushing mine

It’s only a memory

I feel the weight of my left hand where your ring once sat

It’s only a memory

I hear your laugh and it makes me join in

It’s only a memory

I see your eyes crinkled in joy

It’s only a memory

I feel your touch raking down my skin

It’s only a memory

I feel your body lying next to mine

It’s only a memory

I feel my heart beating in time with yours

It’s only a memory

I feel my heart shatter

I wish it was only a memory

The Dance…

I just read an interesting article about dancing. I love to dance and admit to not being very good at it. Okay, let me clarify – its slow dancing and ballroom I’m not good at. Going individual I’ve got rhythm.  

But I must admit this article gave me a little insight into myself that I hadn’t thought of before.

To dance you must trust your partner. Hmmm…

Sounds kind of like life doesn’t it? I have trust issues, most of us do in one form or another, but I never thought about how it affects all aspects of your life.

Just because the man is the leader of the dance and the woman is the follower, that doesn’t mean he is dominate over the woman. What it means to me is that he takes a step (one way or another) and the woman chooses to step with him. She is trusting him enough to take that step. Romantic when you think about it. Which is why I love it!

When I think about how this pertains to life in general it makes perfect sense why I struggle a bit with my old-fashioned values. I feel I’m a strong woman but, I want a man to lead, and I want to choose to follow him.

You see dancing works great for me. The man leads I chose to follow. He’s in charge and I make a decision – win/win

Now to find someone to dance with.

Hugs

Ann

What’s going on….

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything, and for that I am sorry.

There have been a lot of life changes that I’ve been going through, not all good, but through the fire there is always re-birth, or at least that’s what I’m told and have to believe in to make it through another day.

Please forgive my absence as I’m not writing at this time and until I begin to believe in HEA’s again it might be a while. But I wanted to let my loyal followers know that I am alive and still around. And that I greatly appreciate all of you that still pop in to see if there is anything new with me.

I’m going through some tough times and it means a great deal to me to know that I have friends all around the world that are rooting for me.

Thank you with much gratitude,

Hugs,

Ann

Leavin’ On A Jet Plane…

I know I haven’t been around much. Life has a way of getting in the way sometimes and next week won’t be any better. Only difference is, I’m really looking forward to this interruption in regularly scheduled programming (lol – this is kind of funny to me considering it’s what I do for a paycheck).

On Tuesday my writing buddy, Vicki Lane, and I will be heading off to NYC for the Romance Writers of America yearly conference. It’s the one time of year I really look forward to, because there are so many great friends I only get to see there. I wish it were more often but time, and well, money dictate I only get one major trip a year. Okay, so it’s only money that dictates that…LOL, I have plenty of vacation from the day job…

So yet again, this blog will be quiet, but I’m hoping that I’ll come back charged up, ready to write and with my head where it needs to be. And that will hopefully mean more blog time too.

This year is extra special since a great friend and writer is up for a RITA (which is the equivalent to a Grammy in the writing world). I can’t wait to jump up and scream YEHAW for Maya Banks and her nomination for her KGI series. If you haven’t picked it up and read it, you NEED to. IMO it’s one of the best series out there and I’ll be supporting my Texan friend in full Camo regalia (okay, so not at the awards ceremony, but believe me I got it handled)  There might be pictures of how I glam’d up my support…oh, this is a good one, and I’m looking for a laugh for sure.

Have fun and live each day to its fullest!

Until next time

Hugs,

Ann

 

Power Of The Human Touch…

It’s amazing how you don’t think about the way people and their touch affect you, until it’s gone. I’m not talking about a sexual touch either. I’m talking about those subtle touches that happen when you least expect it. The trail of fingers down your arm, a hug, a playful flip of your hair, the accidental touch as you lie next to someone and suddenly feel calm trail through your body.

As a writer I have to think about these things, but have you?

What do you feel when your significant other goes away and you don’t have their touch for days or weeks? Or do you think about it, knowing it won’t be for long?

Would your emotions change if you knew you’d never feel it again?

Those are the things that I’ve had to really think about with my current WIP. I can guarantee you, the emotional structure changes. The anxiety is amped up and the emotions come so close to the surface sometimes I think the slightest touch will throw me over the edge of pain. I’m so into this character that it actually pains me. This might sound like a bad thing, but it’s really not. Except the amount of tissues I’ve needed when I sit down and write.

Now, although the hero will eventually be a part of my heroine’s life, she doesn’t believe it’s possible he’ll ever be a part of her life again. Especially since, it’s a decision she made.

So tell me…what feelings/emotions run through your head when I talk about the human touch and what you would be without it?

Hugs,

Ann

Comfort Zone…

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you know I’ve had some car troubles. Well last week was no different. I was stranded at home with no car. Okay, so that’s not entirely true. I had the truck…

This is my car:

Don’t let the make and model sway you in any way. If I ever have vehicle problems – this girl is the one that’s going to give it to me, in spades. While eating away at my pocketbook at the same time. She’s pretty, I’ll give her that. *personal note* I’d rather have an old muscle car where I understand what’s under the hood.

Here is the only option I had in the driveway:

I can’t tell you the year, but she’s a 5 speed on the floor, she has to be filled with water and oil or she’ll overheat and she pings and rattles like crazy. She may be missing more paint than she has, but one thing about this old girl is that she never fails to get you where you need to go–given all the above, of course.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, you see, I haven’t driven a stick in more years than I care to admit. It was probably when we owned a farm and that was over 14 years ago before moving to Florida. This is my husbands work truck. Filled to capacity with tools in the back and paperwork filling the front. There is nothing girlie or cute about this truck and when I first got into it I couldn’t even push down the clutch without hugging the steering wheel, face plastered to the windshield.

Go ahead laugh, it was pretty funny.

I was determined to get out of the house. I needed to get out for nothing more than to lose the feeling of being claustrophobic. So, I figured out how to move the bench seat up. I was only 2″ away from the huge steering wheel, but I could easily engage the clutch. Now the scary part…actually driving the beast.

Remember, it has been at least 14 years. Here I am, filling the water, checking the oil, closing the hood and staring at this machine. It’s my only way out. Options: Stay locked up, or go.

I grab my purse, hands shaking, and I climb on in and start the old girl up. And yes, I found reverse on the first try.

I make it all the way to the end of the road and realize I’d left my phone at home. Not really a good option when you’re not used to a  vehicle that’s known to overheat. So I turn around, grab my phone and away I go. Aside from missing 3rd and going into overdrive (5th) a few times, I made it to my destination and back home with no mishaps.

The look on my husband’s face when I turned into the driveway was priceless. A bit of proud astonishment lined his features and I’d never felt more confident about doing something that scared me. Not because of how he felt, because how I felt. I. Did. It!

Why is this important? Seems obvious, but maybe not.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something I was a little afraid to do. It’s a lot like how the writing process feels sometimes. You have to put yourself out there, get out of your comfort zone to learn or re-learn something to connect with what’s inside of you to get it done.

There are a million negative voices in our head at any given time on why we can’t or won’t do something, but those learned responses only keep us tied to old habits that aren’t the healthiest sometimes. If we work past the fear and concentrate on the here and now, we can do anything.

I double dog dare you to try it for yourself. Try something that makes you the tiniest bit scared and notice how you have to stay in the present to accomplish the task at hand and before you know it, you’ve done it.

I want to hear your success stories. What did you do, you didn’t think you could in the beginning.

Hugs,

Ann

Let’s Talk Heroines…

Hey all, long time no see!

I’ve started on a new MS. This might not be big news for you, but for me, it’s huge.

So let’s talk heroines. 1st question: how tough do you like your heroines?

Me personally, I don’t like wimpy woman. Maybe because I don’t consider myself to be one, so I can’t relate.

There is a fine line in life, and in books, where a woman can come off as being a heartless bitch. I don’t know about you, but I know I’ve crossed that line a few times.

Which brings me to why I want to talk about heroines…

What would make you cross that line? Or, would nothing ever cause you to do that?

Remember this is still a work in progress, but I thought I’d share a snippet of my heroines character. Meet Danielle:

“She didn’t care how much she loved him she wouldn’t be one of those women that stayed, pretending everything was great, when it wasn’t. There wasn’t a crystal ball to tell her leaving him had been the right choice. She only had the satisfaction of knowing she’d beaten him to the punch. Her heart was already broken, why wait to relive the pain in a month or a year once he decided he was still bored with their life. She’d never been anyone’s doormat, she wasn’t about to start now. No, thank you.”

Hopefully, you can feel Danielle has become ruthless in her thinking, because she’s heartbroken. And she’s not willing to let her heart be broken again. Of course, I write romance, so there will be a HEA (happily ever after), so yes, it will probably happen again.

What I want to know is, if a heroine is strong (close to bitch status), but emotionally crippled, not giving the hero an inch to mess up, can you relate? Are her actions redeemable in your eyes? Or, do you find her weak because she did walk away?

I know how I feel, I’d really like to know your thoughts.

Hugs,

Ann

Let Me Start by Apologizing…

I haven’t been around much lately, and I’m really sorry about that.

The day job has just gotten a bit more hectic this past month. One of the people in our department had an emergency, and yep, you guessed it…I’m picking up more work. It’s not really a bad thing, I’m finally in a groove, after a month. But that doesn’t mean I get to kick back and slide by. It just means that my eight-hour days have turned into usually nine or ten-hour days and it’s finally manageable.

That also means that I haven’t had a lot of time for writing of any kind. Which, includes this blog. And my poor WIP is sitting there staring at me, wondering if I’ll ever get involved with it again.

I know, I know. You hear all the time that a writer will always find time to write and there are those that do. I applaud them, but I hate to say I’m also not one of them–not right now, anyway. That is not to say that I don’t still write. I do, regularly. Just not the way I’m used to, which, used to be daily and weekends. Now I’m lucky if I get one day a week in, talk about slowing the word count considerably.

But alas, you don’t need to hear me whine, it’s not good for any of us

Just know, I’m still around. I appreciate everyone who keeps checking up on me to see if there is anything new. And as you can see today…There is!

It might not be the WIP, but I’m going to consider this writing, especially since I’m also taking a class to whip my WIP into shape *ADD kicked in* Wouldn’t that make a great workshop: Whip Your WIP into Shape. Who knows maybe it is and I haven’t had time to check it out.

So, what have you been up to lately? Any new books I should know about? New movies?

When I get time I want to check all those things out again.

Hugs,

Ann

The Fear of Success…

I was talking to a friend the other day who has a sibling on the verge of making it big in the music industry. After listening to the excuses he was giving, I realized some of those are the same as I say and do.

But, of course, I didn’t realize this until after the words, “What the hell is he so afraid of?,” left my mouth.

Because once I said them, I realized he’s afraid of success, just as I am.

Oh sure there is a fear of failure that goes hand in hand with the fear of success. The mantra’s are a simultaneous reverb in your head: “What if I get rejected”, “This story is awesome, it’s all good”, ”What if they don’t like me”, “What’s not to like”, ”What will I do after I get an agent or a contract?”

See all the positive within the negative there? And yes, the thoughts are usually like that, one right after the other.

I want to get a contract/agent, and I want to get published, but then there is doubt underlying it all. Usually that it’s not perfect…but I digress. I’m sure this brother of a friend has the same insecurities.

Which I find interesting since in my daily life I don’t have all these insecurities. I know my day job, if I make a mistake (as we all do), I fess up, fix it and immediately move on confident that (1) it won’t happen again, and (2) I’m damn good at what I do. This is not so in my writing.

Will I fix an error…Of course! Am I damn good at it…I think so, but I’m not confident enough to say it above a whisper or looking away. I believe the main difference is that, while I know the publishing industry, I don’t know, know it. Books and reading are so speculative for each person, there is no pleasing everyone. This is where I find I have the problem – I want to please everyone, and that is impossible. I am a perfectionist, and while I believe this is a good quality, it can also be detrimental to your psyche as a writer. Because nothing will ever be good enough when you send your baby out into the real world to stand up on its own.

But, I’m also finding that you have to take a chance and say, “To hell” to that irrational voice of fear.

Let me tell you, when I put my free read up here, I was shaking like a leaf. I’m sure there were a few things wrong with it (actually I’m positive, since someone told me so), but the fact that it was up at all was a milestone for me.

I had to put myself out there. Was it professionally edited…no. But in saying that I’ve seen a lot of books that are, with errors too. Would I have liked it to be perfect…DUH. But, again…everyone makes mistakes, even professionals. The main thing is I did it, and stepped over a huge personal hurdle. Perfect or not, for me that was HUGE!

Even though this blog is a small venue, I was critiqued. Some were brave enough to post and tell me they loved it, others…well, I’ll never know, and maybe that’s a good thing. Then again, I have a very powerful mind that is always in question, and always wondering what I could have done better.

The fear of success comes in many forms for a writer. The biggest for me is when I know the story is good and I use excuse after excuse not to send it, or even finish it. And yes I have a hard drive full of both. But I also have manuscripts that I have sent in.

Honestly, I can’t fathom being a huge success like J.K. or Nora. Would it be totally awesome…Hell, yeah! But I’m a realist at heart, and maybe I should have said pessimist…LOL. But that’s not true either since I strive daily to spin the positive when I can. And like weight loss I find it easier to take baby steps. I’ll worry about having time to write the next best seller later. 

So lets start with that, why don’t we?

Write the damn book and send it in.

Maybe we can work together at getting the kinks out of what comes next. The only thing each and every one of us can do is to take that first step.

So I’ve opened myself up, told you my fears…What are yours?

How can we help each other?

Hugs,

Ann